16 Years And Still I Ache 


16 years ago today, it was the last day of Ken’s life. His dad and I had no idea when we said goodbye that day, it would be our forever goodby. 
I don’t know at what point during that day, Ken, decided this would be his final day. Maybe he didn’t decide until the next day, but he died in the early hours of the morning so I sense his decision was made on this day, 16 years ago. 
I miss you every day my precious son. I often wonder why it is that you’re gone and yet, I’m still here. It is never right for a parent to outlive their child, it goes against the natural order, but then life is often shambolic. Dad worried so about my health yet he died 10 years after you, leaving me the last branch of our rare and beautiful family tree. 
I love you, Ken. xxx 

 

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on August 22, 2015, in Poems. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Tricia, you have touched me very deeply with this beauriful tribute to Ken. And the gorgeous photo must be such a treasure for you and a comfort I hope. I have no other words my dear friend other than Im wrapping you in love. ❤️ Xxx

  2. A touching tribute. Take care Tricia.

  3. Thinking of you, as always, on this sad day. xx

  4. A very sweet photo, Tricia. You make it very clear that although sixteen years is a long time, the pain of loss remains fresh, doesn’t it? I think for parents to lose a child under any circumstance is a mind bender. As you are experiencing every day, a parent isn’t supposed to survive their child, and I can only imagine what this anniversary brings up in your thoughts and yearnings. I’m always sorry to think of that, my friend, but I’m glad you share a little bit of your sorrow with us. ox

  5. lovely words and photo – life makes little sense at the best of times – big hug to you, you are a survivor.

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