Empty Spaces

Last week I let go of my husband’s car
This week my son’s piano
My niece offered to move furniture
So the absence of the piano
Would not be obvious
I said no
Eventually I may put something there
Nothing will ever fill that space
For me
There’s a sense of validation
In the visual emptiness
I positioned myself in the lounge-room
So I could see both spaces
In them I saw my heart
My essence
Able to love
See the beauty that surrounds me
Hollowed by death and disability
I want to get my calligraphy paint
Scrawl across the blank wall
The empty car space
This is me!
This is me!

Tricia 9/2014

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on September 21, 2014, in Poems. Bookmark the permalink. 18 Comments.

  1. Don’t let the negative space define you.

    • I don’t experience it as a ‘negative space’, for me they are precious, love filled spaces. Metaphors that express the absent presence of those I love. And death will never define me. I refuse to tick the ‘widow box’ on any form I encounter, much to the chagrin of some form checkers. I tell ’em I’m a childless mother, and a married woman whose husband has died. 🙂

      Thanks so much for your comment.

  2. Do it! Put something beautiful in both places. Take care Tricia

    • Joe, I’m seriously thinking of getting my great nephew to help me draw a couple of bars of music where the piano stood. That way it would still be a musical space. 🙂

      One of my carers is a delightful Irish woman. By the time she goes home my tummy is aching from laughing. Sometimes she takes me out for a coffee. I’m a bit staggery these days and if she catches anyone staring at me she says “Ah, tis a sad thing what your drink can do”. 🙂 I tell her she’s as good as a guinness.
      With a hug from down-under.

  3. Love the way you see the world…be well.

  4. So very poignant – I admire your strength, Tricia.

  5. aloha Tricia. i can understand that empty space that is full. you write about a great truth in that. i also know that love tends to fill space at it’s own pace. fast. slow. easy. beautiful. beautiful moments on you. aloha. r.

    • Aloha Rick. Mahalo for your beautiful words. I found a photo the other day of my husband, his cousin and myself. It was taken at The Crouching Lion. I thought of many things, including you, when I looked at it.
      Take care xx

      • the Crouching Lion is up the coast a ways for me. it is a beautiful place to create memories. I have photos from there as well. I like to step across the road and spend a moment looking out to sea. you are now there for me as well. aloha.

  6. I think the space you’ve created, although at first probably a challenging adjustment to your eyes, is very courageous. So many people just can’t get to the point of letting go of the things their loved ones valued. Your memories are so sure it’s clear you don’t need any mementos to feel the presence of your two special men. I do hope that you find something unexpected in the new space you’ve created. I sense that you still know how to feel joy and find the sweetness in life despite the tears, Tricia, and for that, I’m in awe. You make me feel hopeful, my friend. oxo

  7. Wow, what a powerful way of taking hold of that situation. I am very proud of you. And the words capture it all succinctly.

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