Limited Vision


He wrote about how the thought of
Being a burden
Pained
She wanted to reach out and hold him
As her energy diminishes
She knows the constancy of those thoughts
To be a burden to those she loves
Intolerable
Indiscernible fear of asking too much
Clarity of overwhelming gratitude
For all the loving help she’s been given
All she knows with certainty
Love must be preserved

Tricia 7/2014
(Thanks for the inspiration, Peter)

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on July 21, 2014, in Poems. Bookmark the permalink. 19 Comments.

  1. This is absolutely beautiful Tricia, And of course it means a whole lot to me. These words bring me clarity, further understanding and a hint of wonder. I am particularly taken by the last line “Love must be preserved”, there is so much meaning in that alone.
    I am glad you took inspiration from my emotional words, and thankyou for your continual bravery to write about these very personal difficulties. xxx

    • Thank you so much, Peter. Your words mean a lot to me. You too open your heart and put yourself out there. I’m so grateful we are able to share words at this time. xx

  2. I was wondering who the writer in the picture is?

    • It’s a very special photo, Peter. A year after our son Ken’s death, we found amongst his possessions, a disposable camera with just one photo taken. When we had it developed we couldn’t believe the precious piece of ephemera we had in our hands. It’s Ken working at his drawing board in his flat. The fading in the top half is exactly how it was when it was developed. We asked his friends, but never discovered who took the photo.
      I used this photo because Ken worried constantly that he was a burden to me and his Dad. We loved him more than life and would have done anything to have been able to save him.
      Thank you, Peter, for asking such a special question. x

  3. Tricia once again your heart opens and out pours more and more love; I can feel it.

    I, too, can relate to these feelings; I often feel a burden is what I am slowly becomibg. When thinking of others in my family, particularly John, life has changed so much, he has had to become domesticated in ways he or I would never have imagined. I know these are on.y my feelings as he does everyrhing with lots of love but still…

    Lots of love and hugs ❤️ xx

    PS is there a photo with this somewhere? Peter mentioned a writer in a picture xx

    • My dear Christine, I thought this might resonate with you. I love you so much my precious friend.
      If you go to my Facebook page you should be able to see the photo where I’ve posted the link to this poem. If you read my response to wbdeejay, you’ll know the story of the photo. Actually I’ll message you a copy of the photo.
      Lots of love and hugs back at ya. ❤ xx

  4. Ive seen the photo now Tricia; it’scvery eciial ❤️ Xxx

  5. Oh gosh its hot here and thats my excuse! Of course I meant to say very special. ❤️ Xxx

    • I knew what you meant my friend. It was a freezing cold foggy day in Melbourne, (my favourite kind of day). It seems hard to imagine a hot summer day while living in the midst of winter.
      Sorry for the overkill with the photo, but I really wanted you to see it because it is the most special photo I have of my son. ❤ xx

  6. Beautiful words, Tricia. It’s great that you’re writing again. xx

  7. There is no overkill Tricia, and its a wonderful image, and as I said before, very special, as are you ❤️ Xz

  8. My mum feels this way. Constantly. I have no idea how to help her to feel less so because she is in no way a burden. She’s bipolar and that does not lend itself to an easy day, but she’s never been a burden and I wouldn’t change a think. Your words and beautiful and, I’m sure, strike different chords with us all x

    • Pooky, I know I’m slow to respond, but a month is really pushing it. I somehow missed this comment of yours and Debra’s (Three Well Beings). I am sorry.

      As for the topic of the poem, I can only speak for myself and think my constant fear of being a burden comes from childhood ‘stuff’. I hate asking for help, even with my carers who are paid to help me. The nursing coordinator has even made a note of this in my care plan. 🙂 Even when my family tell me I’m not a burden, I still think I am.

      Rod and Ken were the only ones I felt I could ask anything of. xx

      • For the record – you can ask anything of me. I’m too far away to be of much help but you are a dear friend and never a burden xxx

  9. My dad has Parkinson’s, Tricia, and until three years ago was completely independent. My parents are very strong and have done “for themselves” all of their lives. Now at this time they often need help and they just resist and although grateful for the help we can give, struggle on their own all too often so as to not “bother” us. We’re trying to find our new balance and it really does break my heart, yet you’re so right about the love. If we have love, it’s never an impossible burden. I read what you said to Peter about Ken worrying about being a burden. If only a child could know a parent would do anything for their child and it’s never too much. Here you are having similar thoughts. I’m glad you have someone in your life who loves you and cares for you with love. What a gift! ox

  10. Debra, I’m so sorry I missed this note from you. My mind is all over the place this month as in a couple of days it will be 15 years since Ken died.

    I’m very sad to read about your dad. And I do understand resisting the need for help. I was going a week without a shower before I was ready to accept that I needed carers. It’s a constant battle to find your new normal with a chronic illness, particularly one like Parkinson’s, and the boundaries are constantly moving.

    I’m pleased your mum and dad have a daughter as special and loving as you to help them through this difficult time. Love really is the most important gift to share. With love we can find a way through any maze. Take care my dear Debra, next time you hug your dad give him a hug for me. xoxo

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