Monthly Archives: July 2014

Searching for Surrender

How does one know
When to keep fighting
When to accept
How to discern the difference between
What’s truly life limiting
And the need to keep pushing
How to keep going
In the face of indescribable exhaustion
Wanting understanding from loved ones
Yet still striving for personal clarity
Life is the question
Ultimately death will be the answer
Meanwhile struggling to learn how
To surrender to the now

Tricia 7/2014


This is a stunning poem on grief from Gabrielle Bryden’s Blog.

Gabe Feathers McGee


and then you were gone,

the moon twisted to unseen and dead beat stars gave up,
the earth cracked open and the doors to heaven slammed shut,
the wolf lost all hunger and sprawled in the darkness, surrendering
to nothingness, a great emptiness inside, spreading from stomach to heart
to fingertips, strangely light, outstretched, reaching for one last touch, before the tears
wash away the past, for the weeping now, of sobs convulsing and shoulders trembling,
seized with the fractured space, that is the world without you,


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Limited Vision

He wrote about how the thought of
Being a burden
She wanted to reach out and hold him
As her energy diminishes
She knows the constancy of those thoughts
To be a burden to those she loves
Indiscernible fear of asking too much
Clarity of overwhelming gratitude
For all the loving help she’s been given
All she knows with certainty
Love must be preserved

Tricia 7/2014
(Thanks for the inspiration, Peter)

The Last Day

Tomorrow’s the day
For quietly honouring your dying
Today I’m cocooned
In the last day of your living
Oh it was a good day
A day of shared laughter – loving – nurturing
Five years ago and yet
It still plays perfectly
In the movie theatre of my mind
You were unwell
Had a doctor’s appointment for the following day
Nonetheless you were witty and playful
Me working in the study
You working in the bedroom
Less than a dozen steps apart
You’d not have needed to raise your voice
And yet you Skyped me
Held Big Ted in front of the screen
“We’re poorly and we’re thirsty”
Then that cheeky grin
The breath leaves my body as I remember
How your eyes sparkled
We had a cuppa
Watched an episode of Poirot
Then you had a sleep
I was concerned because
You who loved your food
Had eaten very little over the last few weeks
I asked if there was anything you fancied
I finally tempted you with a little grilled King George whiting
A couple of boiled chat potatoes
There was broccoli too but you said
“It’s mean to make a sick person eat vegetables”
You didn’t want wine so we had San Pellegrino water
In crystal wine glasses
You gave me a hug
Told me how much you’d enjoyed your dinner
Then wandered back to bed
I sat and read for a couple of hours
Before going to bed
I climbed in
Gave you a kiss and a cuddle
Then realised the overhead light was still on
Neither of us wanted to get up
Your suggestion cracked me up
“I could chuck Big Ted at the light switch
Maybe he can turn it off on his way past”
I ruffled your hair and said
“You’re a funny little fucker aren’t you”
I stumbled out of bed
Turned the light out
Crawled back in
Still laughing so much the bed was shaking
I fell asleep chuckling
The next thing I remember…
That’s tomorrow’s story
Today is for honouring
Our lovely last day

Tricia 13/7/2014

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