Some Things The Fates Don’t Allow


Some Things The Fates Don’t Allow

Fragile, fraught
time of year,
seems harder to grasp
you’re no longer here.
I occasionally scream and swear
as you’d expect,
the constant longing
so very hard to accept.
I laugh sometimes
and play with Big Ted,
he’s my closest companion
now you’re dead.
You both live on
in my memory
but at Christmas time
it’s not enough for me.
I want to caress your cheeks,
touch your hair,
wrap you in my arms,
tell you how much I care.
I’m thankful I did these things
when you were both here with me.
Maybe next year will be easier,
I’ll have to wait and see.

Tricia 22/12/2013

PINK FLOYD – “Wish You Were Here” (remastered) – YouTube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvPr9YV7-Xw

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on December 22, 2013, in Poems. Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. Life isn’t fair, Tricia. All that loving and losing. Thinking of you especially right now. Louise xx

  2. Tricia my lovely friend, I was just having a conversation with someone here a few minutes ago about how we never know how strong we are until we have to be. And as soon as the conversation ended I came onto my iPad and read your poem.

    You are such a strong, loving woman from whom I acquire so much inspiration; I have no idea if my stating this helps you. People sometimes tell me I am an inspiration and on a good day I am able to let my soul be nourished by such words, but on not such good days, and there are many, I dont want to be an inspiration; I just want things back the way they were and its not going tohappen. I am saying this, not for my own benefit but to let you know how, although our situations are different, I can empathise with you.

    I love you to bits and Im sending you that love in a big hug with enough room for Big Ted too.

    ❤ Xxxxxxx(((Tricia and big Ted)))

    • Dear Christine, I understand only too well that some days we can be nourished by the ‘courage and brave’ words, and other days we just want our life back. Sometimes it’s bloody exhausting being an inspiration. 🙂 it’s not that I’m not grateful, I’m just not always courageous and brave. I have my ‘hissy fit’ days.
      Me and Big Ted send big love right back to you. xoxoxo<3xoxoxo

    • Also Christine, your empathy means everything to me. So many people can’t understand, knowing you do is a precious gift. xoxo

  3. I can’t write because I’m bawling my eyes out.

    Again. I wish I was there to hug you and never let you go.

    Love you xxxx

    • My dear Pooks, I love you too. And I’ve survived another Christmas, one that held a hurt I was not expecting. When I rang my mother-in-law on Christmas Eve, she told me she no longer wanted to speak to me and hung the phone up while I was trying to speak. I cried all day, wrote a poem and now I’m working at putting it behind me. Rod’s family have visited me once since his death. I went to them when I could still manage the hour plus drive. I just don’t understand some people.
      I’m thankful for my wonderful family, precious friends like you, and I will NOT give in to bitterness. You bring so much joy to my life Pooks, and for that I’m forever grateful. xxx

      • I’m truly appalled. Your presence is a generous gift in their lives of which it seems they are sadly undeserving. I can’t begin to imagine the pain and hurt that must have caused you at an already difficult time. I’m going to pm you my mobile number. You’re welcome to use it any time, day or night, I’d like to think that if you had another difficult moment like that one that perhaps I was someone you could reach out to?

        Xxxx

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