Monthly Archives: June 2013

Something Different

I share the sorrowful moments because basically the purpose of this blog is to connect with those who grieve or struggle in some way, let them know they’re not alone. But sorrow and health issues are only a part of who I am. I’m lucky enough to have an aptitude for childlike joy, a susceptibility to silliness. The following is a glimpse into that area of my life. Also the new bed is ‘bloody marvellous’.

Guess Who Sleeps in My Bed?

I spoke to Big Ted about my new bed
“It’s paws up” he said then tilted his head
He smiled at me and I could tell
I was about to hear a Big Ted soft sell
“Don’t you think it would be fair
If the remote was shared with your favourite bear
We share the bed and lots of stuff
And bears get aches when times are tuff
It’s the massage button that appeals to me
I’d love to rumble and tumble ’till I go ‘squee’ ”
He twisted and turned as he made his request
His cuteness impression a personal best
I picked him up and held him tight
Said if he was good then I just might
Allow him his rumble tumble play
On special occasions not every day
He snuggled in and whispered to me
“I’ll be the best bear you ever did see”

Tricia 6/2013

Bedtime

Bedtime

Tonight her last night in
Their bed

New bed not wanted
Necessary
To meet the needs
Of chronic illness
A specially made bed
To ease her symptoms
Improve her sleep
And yet

She wanted to hold on to
Their bed

Tomorrow her new whizz bang bed
Arrives
It will raise her back
Elevate her feet
Dip in the centre
Take pressure off her spine
Even vibrate gently
And yet

It will no longer be
Their bed

One final night
Remembering
Reaching
Longing
Spreading out
Curling up
Letting go
Preparing herself

For her first night in
Her bed

Tricia 6/2013

Twinkly Lights

Twinkly  Lights 

 
My discontent with the dark
Had returned
No bed for me
I can’t hold back the night
But I can refuse to sleep
In the too big
Empty softness
Place of our last laugh
Final silly cuddly conversation
 
I shut the drapes before
The coming of the ‘twinkly lights’
There shall be no night
Instead lamp light
Shining
On the dull days of 
My confused heart
Missing my husband my son my life
 
The pendulum of grief
Swings 
Back to previous pain
I don’t understand why
Exhausted reliving mourning’s mystery 
No energy left to try
To make sense of unwanted night
 
Endless gritty eyed days
Staggering
On swelling legs
Alcohol or lack of elevation
Who knows
Who cares
 
Resting in my chair
Holding my special bear
My iPad pings a message
The musical link broke me open
Jack Johnson – All At Once
 
“All at once
The world can overwhelm me
There’s almost nothing that you could tell me
That could ease my mind
 
.. it’s always all around you
And the feeling lost and found you again
A feeling that we have no control”
 
Eventually I read the accompanying story
A little boy fighting the night finding a way
 
Thank you Caemon for All At Once ‘twinkly lights’ and finding ways
 
Tricia 6/2013
 
(With love and gratitude to Timaree, and Jodi, for sharing their story so honestly. And to their precious son, Caemon, who died  of Leukaemia on February 5th, 2013. He was 3 years old.)