Lapsing has been a theme in my life
Lapsed catholic in the religion box
Eventually accepted as life choice
Several lapses
Before I stopped polluting lungs and life with nicotine
Then came lapses beyond my control
These days memory lapses plague me
Thoughts there one minute
Gone the next
And the words
I know these wonderful luscious vibrant words
Yet they dance just out of reach
Mocked and tantalized by circumstance
No longer searching for the meaning of life
Just the answer to one question
Are my memory lapses menopausal meanderings
Or the first rung
On the diving board into dementia?
Tricia 5/07

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on January 30, 2013, in Poems and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Tricia, this is just a slightly different side of your sharing and I really enjoyed the theme. This really calls for a broader publishing audience. I definitely “vote” for this one to be submitted somewhere. I love the shape of the word placement, too. You really are an artist with your words. You have so much to say, and each word is so perfectly placed…I see no lapses!

    • ‘Morning Debra (it’s morning in the Antipodes)
      I really appreciate your comments. I wrote this a few years ago, then remembered 🙂 it when i was discussing the Billy Collins poem Forgetfulness.
      After I finished this one I joked with Rod that if it looked like I was about to ‘dive into dementia’ could he please drain the pool first. He always loved my black humour, it was something he encouraged me to explore via poetry. I’d like to try and focus a little more on this area this year, but so often Debra the words find me and i follow where they lead. I’ve also semi committed myself to putting a book together as an aid to the ‘chronic and life limiting illness’ writer’s workshops I’ve been working on for a Melbourne hospital.
      I’ve a precious guest arriving from Petaluma CA this morning, I’m so excited it surprises me I’m able to focus on anything else.
      Thanks for your comment. I value your support.
      Tricia xo

  2. You use the lapsing theme here very well. Nicely done!

  3. Your anxiety soooo gently explored, with a side-serve of acceptance. Lovely, and provocative at the same time!

    • Ah Nathan, spot on as you so frequently are where my words are concerned. You’re such an important cog in the wheel of my poetry.
      Heidi will be here, at my home, in less than an hour.
      Take care,
      A very excited Tricia

  4. Tricia,

    This is a fantastic poem and one of my very favourites of yours. But there are many of those 🙂

    You have captured a serious subject with a subtle humour that raised a smile. I watched my mum’s slow and very often painful journey into the world of dementia, but sometimes there were “funny bits” to it that I am certain even she saw on days when she was half here and half there. The poem in my book “One Way Ticket” was about mum’s journey and when I saw her that day strolling down the street engaged in happy conversation with a stranger I had to smile at the same time as being terrified for her safety and so grateful I happened to be out and actually “found” her.

    A beautiful poem

    Love and hugs xxx

    • hello my dear Christine
      I remember the first time I read your One Way Ticket I thought of my Gran who had severe dementia for some years. I must admit it’s one of my fears, that’s why I use humour to deal with it. For me it quiets the worry.
      I’m so pleased you enjoyed this one
      big hugs

  5. You have a wonderful sense of humour Tricia.

    This made me smile even though I too worry about the lapses 🙂


  6. I seem to have missed this and a number of your other posts Tricia – my apologies. I love the way you’ve played with the word “lapse” here – it almost “laps” in a gentle reflective rhythm…. Lovely.

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