I Care


I Care

“I pray your hope returns

and your depression lifts”

she wrote.
Yes I’d written the word depression
but
it wasn’t my depression.
The poem was titled
Night Vision
even wrote the word dream
and yet…
I wonder if others
read my words thinking
‘Poor soul
depressed
without hope’.
Why  do I care?
I care so much
my fingers barely kept pace
as my response clamoured
onto the screen.
My words of sorrow
are often woven
with nature’s beauty.
As I write the roads of grief
I discover culs-de-sac
carpeted  with fallen petals,
vibrant dawns,
precious memories.
These things are an intricate
integral part of my journey.
Somedays my words are sorrowful,
but
must there be a moratorium on mentioning
life’s sad truths?
Then there’s
Love
Joy
Gratitude
Many poems resonate
with these precious gifts.
Why do I care?
I care because too often
Sorrow is misdiagnosed as depression,
I care because depression is an illness
and sorrow is a sometimes thing
a  natural state of being.
I care because both sorrow and depression
need to be discussed but not confused
I care because
hopelessness and depression killed my son.
We all have a story
mine’s pretty much out there
I’m more than any one poem,
I’m a compilation
variations on a theme.
You read my words
through your personal filter,
I respond through mine.
I write because I must
I write because I care.
Tricia 01/2013

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on January 17, 2013, in Poems and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 12 Comments.

  1. We sometimes see what we want to see. I am certainly guilty of this! Well expressed

    • We all have our filters Joe. Sometimes mine distort my vision.

      This piece is not spaced properly. My main computer isn’t working so I only have my iPad. For some reason when I copy and past from my iPad all the spacing goes haywire. I’ll edit it whenever my computer stops playing silly buggers.

      Thanks as always for your feedback.

  2. A necessary write I think Tricia,

    The word depression gets bandied about carelessly and we do need to be able to differentiate and understand what it is we are experiencing –

    Existential sadness is a normal part of life’s cycles
    Being pissed off is a normal part of life

    If we acknowledge those things then we deal with them
    If we constantly tell ourselves that we are depressed then we are telling ourselves the wrong thing

    I am glad you wrote this.

    With very best wishes
    Love
    David

    • Ah David,
      Your words are a cool breeze on this hot Antipodean night (it’s still around 90 degrees at midnight).

      Existential sadness IS normal, and possibly even more so for some deep thinking poets. In my poem Blaze walking into the flames was a metaphor for facing and dealing with sorrow. I believe if we do this we grow as poets and people. Night Visions came from a dream and was a very therapeutic write for me.

      Thanks so much for your encouragement.
      Love
      Tricia

  3. Beautifully written Tricia, and wonerfully explIained.

    You have really hit the spot with your expanation and I am with you here one hundred percent.

    Thank you for this, I believe it will have helped many who read it to understand better

    Love and hugs

    Christine xxxxxx

    • Thanks my cyber friend.
      It’s not one of my best poetically, more something I had to do. Plus the spacing’s disappeared on me. Never mind it’s done now and I can move on.

      I’ve got another powerful one to upload that I wrote on Christmas Eve, but I might let the dust settle before I post it. 🙂

      Love and hugs
      Tricia

  4. I will look forward to it.

    I dont think the layout of this one was important at all. It was what you needed to say that mattered. My IPad is always playing tricks too. 🙂

    I was just talking to someone the other day saying to them I hope people dont think “poor thing” when they know about my MS and see me struggle.(I have heard it!) because Im not one! I may, and very often do, feel sorow for how I am and I grieve for what I have lost, but I certainly do not see myself as a poor thing neither am I depressed when I express these feelings of sorow. So I know entirely what you are saying.

    I have been hospitalised with bad depression twice, so I know the difference,

    Much live and hugs
    Lchristine xxxxx

    • My dear Christine,
      We are such kindred spirits. I’m so pleased that we are able to share our poems and our thoughts. I read your words and feel a connectedness. They also remind me that just as people confuse sorrow and depression, they sometimes confuse sympathy with empathy.

      It’s almost 2.00am here so I think it’s time I went to bed.:)

      Big hug
      Tricia

  5. You must sleep!!
    ,
    , night 🙂 xx

  6. Beautifully expressed, Tricia. So many wonderful themes woven into a rich tapestry. Mazaltov!

  7. This hit home for me too. I had a spate of comments a while back offering me sympathy on my poems…. I tend to think if someone’s offering me sympathy on the poem then it can’t be a very good one, but that is me reading through my own filter I guess… 😉
    I agree that sorrow and depression are different – I suppose that as poets we become very conscious of the meanings of specific words and want to use the correct ones in a way some people may not even consider – I get called “pedantic” a lot for this, but I can’t seem to stop myself!

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