Night Vision


 
Night Vision 
 
Dark shadows
Flash of steel
Illuminating 
Your man-child face
 
One eye sparkling
The other streaming tears
Cleaved by depression’s Damoclean sword
One hand reaching 
The other pushing away
 
Terror grips my guts
As I realise
It’s not my chasm to cross 
Long gone 
Days of encompassing womb love
 
And yet….
 

In my dreams

Fighting still to save you
Even though
You are 13 years dead
 
Tricia 01/2013

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on January 15, 2013, in Poems and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. I pray your hope returns and your depression lifts.

  2. Cherylz thank you for your comment but just to clarify, i’m neither depressed nor without hope. I usually find joy and laughter most days, and yes some days sorrow comes to visit. But sorrow is not hopelessness or depression, it’s a part of the cycle of life.

    My poetry is often about life’s darker realities because I believe these are a normal part of life and therefore need to be out in the open. I believe it we are accepting of our sorrows, look at them, learn to live with them, then our lives will be richer and more authentic.

    In my previous poem Blaze, I wrote I “Walked into the flames”, this for me is an ultimately positive statement. I faced my grief head on, lived the pain of it and then moved on knowing that it will confront me again in time. But each time I live my loss I come through stronger and with a greater understanding of myself and my life’s purpose.

    I’m a writer who believes my work will have more resonance if I write truthfully about what I know. I know a lot about death, bereavement, suicide, and chronic illness. I also know a lot about gratitude, hope, joy and love, and if you look closely at my work you’ll find a lot of gratitude, joy, love and hope.

    Lots of people write about the ‘bright side of life’, I think the world needs a little more balance. Nonetheless my words are often woven with the beauty of nature and the richness of a life well loved.

    I’m very grateful to you for your comment because you have encouraged me to address something other readers may think but not express. In fact this issue is so important to me that I shall post your comment and my response as a blog post (i’ll not include your name in the blog post in case that’s your preference).

    Warm regards
    Tricia

  3. So powerful and evocative.
    Nathan.

  4. How sad. My thoughts are with you.

  5. Beautiful. I know it seems strange to say beautiful to such pain, but the love that burns throughout is transcendent. Difficult to put into words what I am trying to say (I’m not the writer here), but your honesty is the best weapon you have against the prospect of being swallowed whole. Your mother’s love is…beautiful.

  6. Very moving Tricia. I admire the honesty in your writing.

    Acknowledging our feelings has to be healing for us nd helps us to manage them, thats how it works for me.

    I love your comment to Cherylz

    Love and hugs

    Christine

    • Dear Christine,
      Your understanding means so much.
      I’ve written a poem based on my response to Cherylz. I’m debating whether to post it as is or to edit it.
      Love and hugs
      Tricia

  7. That is exactly how it is Tricia.

    A poem that surely a lot of us can identify with

    Love

    David

  8. “Cleaved by depression’s Damoclean sword” is a phrase that says so much! I found this poem to be so powerful, Tricia. It seems to really “tell it like it is” and I am in such awe of how you find the words! oxo Debra

    • Hello Debra,
      It’s finding the words that brings new meaning and purpose for me. Often I don’t find them, they come to me. The word sprite often sparks overhead.
      Little hug
      Tricia

  9. I wish your depression lifts. Sad but beautiful poem.

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