Suicide and Euthanasia

Suicide sits on my shoulder
His voice grows louder and more insistent
Yet it is soft and seductive
Come to me
I will bring you the peace you crave
You can rest in my arms
Surrender to the sleep of sunset
Sink below the horizon
Where the waves will wash away your pain
Your tired broken body will be supported
In the oceans womb
As you float to the land beyond knowing.
Tricia 02/2010
Suicide no longer sits on my shoulder
He lives in a small shed
At the bottom of my garden
I seldom see him
Yet knowing he is there
Brings strength and peace
I no longer call him suicide 
These days I refer to him as
Plan B
He is acquaintance not friend
The intimacy has gone
From our relationship
He is now a tenant
On my property
The peppercorn rent
His silence
I may never again
Invite him into my home
But If I do it will be
The right choice for me
Tricia 01/2012

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on January 11, 2012, in Poems and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 16 Comments.

  1. This was a very enlightening poem Tricia. Very well written.
    P.S. I threw a coin into the Liffey in your name last night.

  2. Dear Joe, thank you for your comments and especially for the coin in the Liffey, it means a great deal to me.
    Little hug of gratitude

  3. You are a brave lady Tricia,

    As we grow older I am sure we all allow these thoughts to wander across our minds – although most of us are not prepared to voice them in public.

    The last time that suicide seemed a viable option for me was in my drinking days – no longer!!

    You have left me pondering deeply – and that is never a bad thing 🙂


    • David I “went there” after the death of my husband. It was an act of despondent desperation. Someone who is very dear to me called the police when they couldn’t contact me, and I am eternally grateful. I wrote the first poem on that morning.

      The second poem, written this morning, was a coming to terms with that time and an acknowledgement of where I am now.

      Poetry helps me to write my way to understanding.

      Take care

  4. I hope this comment is never taken out of context, but I love Euthanasia!

  5. I agree with David, Tricia. You are a brave lady. I know Ethel and I have faced some tough times, and dark thoughts come, but look at what you’ve done since the time of dark thoughts have passed. I guess I’m facing some hard times coming up. We’ll see what comes of a visit to the hospital, but I’m hoping you’ll be okay for a long, long time to come.

    • Thank you Thomas for your caring and kind words.

      Whatever is ahead of you regarding your health my thoughts are with you. There are a few people in the blogging community that I experience a sesnse of deep connection with, you and Ethel are two of these people.

      Take care,

  6. Kate Gordon-Addison

    Hi Tricia
    I know you and I have spoken about our shared experiences with suicide of loved ones (on the newspaper blog where we love to be be naughty), but I don’t think I’ve ever seen suicide so beautifully articulated as in your poem. I know my friend had suicide sitting on her shoulder for a long time and to be frank, I’m glad she is no longer suffering, but I do wish she’d be able to express herself more clearly and directly while she was still alive. Perhaps, in the way it does for you, it might have lessened the grief she kept to herself while she was still with us.

    • Kate thank you so much for your heartfelt comments. After our son’s death we found his journals, where he had articulated so much of his suffering. I will continue to post some of his poems on my blog when the time feels right. My husband spent many nights transcribing those journals onto the computer, it was a therapeutic labour of love for him.

      I too am glad my son is no longer suffering. My writing, along with some professional input, helps me to bring things to the surface and to find acceptance and joy in my life as it is now.

      Hope life in Lima is good for you

      P S If you want to see a little of my naughtiness, click on short stories you’ll find one titled QOFE. The naughty Tricia wrote it.

  7. Good poem, I think.

    Didn’t Camus suggest that suicide is the only truly philosophical question, whether life is worth living or not.

    You may or may not find this interesting:

  8. Tricia,

    Your Suicide poem really hit home with me.

    During my drinking days I made two suicide attempts because I felt like a failure and not worthy of “being” (Of course I know that “being” is a gift but was too sick to realise it then) On another occasion I went into withdrawal and hat a fit from which I would have died had my husband not returned from a working trip a day early. He found me blue on the bed and I was taken to hospital just in time. It makes me shudder.

    As others have said you are an extremely brave and courageous woman and I am blessed that our paths have crossed.

    Christine xxxxx

  9. Christine, thank you so much for sharing on such a personal level.

    For me the subject of suicice is a bit like death in general, ignoring either doesn’t mean they don’t exist, it just lessens our ability to deal with them. I’m all for bringing the so called taboo subjrcts out into the open.


  10. 🙂 I do the same! To eager to get the comment up there! : ) xx

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