Journey Beyond Wishing

An exhausting experience
Tossed in a churning ocean of why and what if
We grieve for so many things
Life is full of little losses
Then there are the monumental losses
The ones that can never be fully comprehended
These we move through hour by hour
Moment by moment
We travel these uncharted seas
In whatever direction our being leads us
No markers to guide us
At times our inner voice the only means of navigation
Death is a journey beyond wishing
The agony of possibility
Combined with impossibility
The never knowing
How to accept the never knowing
And the sense of loss
The ache within the ache
The ache that defies description
How to survive the not wanting to survive
Those angry steps that tempt fate
“Come and get me you bastard fate”
At times beyond caring
Seeking only oblivion
Reaching for anything to ease this pain
Wanting darkness
Not light
With light we see what is behind us and before us
Often not ready for the seeing yet somehow understanding
Open eyes and an open heart necessary if we are to move forward
With seeing can come new waves of pain
Facing the truth of what was and what is
Through a fragmented filter
This viewing of things in segments can help one survive
Feeling the pain of what is known
And then the unknown
Those precipitous cliffs of impossibility
The acceptance of questions without answer
One of life’s hardest lessons
Often wanting just five more minutes
So the journey continues                                      
Tricia 01/06

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on January 2, 2012, in Poems and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 11 Comments.

  1. I feel the pain but admire the strength in these words.
    Peace, Eric

  2. Very honest and determined, my best part is “We travel these uncharted seas” , I really enjoyed this 🙂

  3. Thank you Eric and Aslan. This was a therapeutic poem for me as a writer.
    All the best for the new year. T

  4. I think I felt every word you wrote.

  5. Sorry should read Its Sall.

  6. Hi Tricia,

    I am now managing to catch up after Christmas.

    Thank you for visiting my blog and I am now really glad that I have popped in to see you. I will be following you closely!!


    Christine xx

  7. I’m such a doofus – that log should read blog. xo

  8. I guess I understand this poem a little too directly. How do we even live with life and its terrible turbulence sometimes? It’s true the journey continues, and it’s true that we should engage the daylight for as long as we can as human beings, but sometimes it is difficult and hard and impossible. Still, the sun will rise tomorrow morning, and with courage and the willingness to face another day, we shall rise with it.

    • Thomas sometimes my memories are beautiful, and sometimes they overwhelm me to the point where I can barely breathe. I need many rest points on this journey.
      With empathy to yourself and Ethel

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