Holding On

Holding On
Books fill my home
Too many for eight bookcases
Stacks of books on the floor
On top of the piano
Piled precariously on coffee tables
Pull out a dining room chair
Another little pile of books rests quietly
Poetry, mysteries, biographies,
Depression, addiction,
Psychology, suicide, grief,
Mythology, personal growth, general literature
A lifetime of truth and fiction
‘Let’s move some of these out to the garage’ says my friend
The young man who is helping me reclaim my home
From the chaos that has overtaken my life
‘The mice might get at them’ says I
Compelled by some deep inner force
To protect these precious books
These constant companions
The ones who are there for me
In early morning aloneness
Nights when sleep is an elusive stranger
Then there is the paperwork
A collection of who knows what on the kitchen bench
A grey plastic tray full of paid bills on the phone table
Two desks covered in mountains of A4
Printouts of completed poems – short stories
Written but not sent out
Odd scrappy pieces of paper
Hand written – half finished verses
Ideas for stories
Funny little notes my son had left on the kitchen bench
Cherished mementos of a life long gone
Copies of wills
Death certificates
Letters and reports detailing my ongoing battle for justice
In the face of my husband’s erroneous autopsy report
Investment brochures
Superannuation information
Numerous suggestions for things that should be done
With money that just sits in an everyday bank account
Paralysed by loss
Needing to hold on to
Surround myself with
Tangible reminders
Of intangible lives
Tricia 05/2011

Posted on November 24, 2011, in Poems. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. ((wrapping you in a warm embrace )) xo

  2. Heidi in the 6 months since I wrote this, with enormous help, support and gentle encouragement from Nojy, the young man in the poem, and his wife my niece, I am learning to let go little by little. And I am starting a second blog in the next week specifically to address the erroneous autopsy report. I’m going to title it VIFM One Woman’s Journey. Look,out world The Trishmiester is back.

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