Silence and Silence No 2


Silence

silence is not the same without you
there is no warmth in the quiet
no link of love to rustle as pages turn
no eyes to sparkle from the leather wing backed chair
no one to hear the perfect passage I want to share
metaphors lose their lustre
in this solitary silence
there was music in our silence
the shake and fold of your paper
a cha-cha
the slowly turned pages of my book
a waltz
the sharing of snippets
the supper at our dance party
I miss the intimacy of our silences

Tricia 14/12/09

Silence No 2

silence is not the same without you

there is no warmth in the quiet
no link of love to rustle as pages turn
no eyes to sparkle from the leather wing backed chair
no one to hear the perfect passage I want to share
metaphors lose their lustre
in this solitary silence

there was music in our silence

oh how I miss
the intimacy of our silence

Tricia 13/11/11

About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on November 23, 2011, in Poems. Bookmark the permalink. 13 Comments.

  1. Both versions are very evocative. However I prefer the first as it draws more pictures.
    N.

  2. Thanks N. I sometimes struggle finding the line between editing and overworking a poem. The inner critic and poetry police at work.

  3. I am really touched by this poem as I can see you both with papers and tedd’s

  4. I have to agree with N, the first tells more of the story. Spin.

  5. Toni I love what you see in this poem.

    Spin thanks for the feedback, it helps me to step back and take another look.

  6. I prefer the first poem too – i think the poetry police like a little too much ambiguity for my taste. I like seeing more emotion – like in the first one

  7. Also i see more of rod and you in the first one, whereas i see mainly you in the second

  8. Thanks so much Lisa, I re-read them after reading your comments and you are right, there is less of him in the second. Also I feel there is not as strong a sense of the love we shared. I wrote the first one just 5 months after he died. Some say it’s not good to write about personal issues when the emotion is still raw, but it is the emotion I want to convey. I don’t want people to think “oh what a clever poet she is”, I want them to see the many absences death leaves in its wake.
    Your comments have been of great value to me.

    • I agree with you Tricia. The emotion makes it more real for me. I can appreciate some people may prefer the ambiguity of the stripped down second version, but not me. I have never been one for ambiguity.
      This is beautiful quality writing/poetry.

  9. I linger with the first. Your words paint the perfect image of the two of you, and the magical way of you both together, unspoken magic. The second seems less personal, and has less “dance” about it. I like it when your words “dance ” 🙂 xo

  10. Heidi I think when I edited the poem I was trying to be “The Poet” instead of my authentic writer self. I think Miss Ego slithers around in my psyche sometimes.
    I have another pair of poems Darkness Before Dusk and Waiting for the Lights, which I will post in the next week or so. No one would publish the first one, so I wrote the guts out of it to create the second, which was published. I will post them together and ask for similar feedback.

  11. Wow….

    Like everyone else, the first one is more vivid for me – I was unsurprised to read you had written it when the would was still very much open. It feels like perhaps you were still at a stage of thinking you’d look up and see Rod looking back, that perhaps even as you wrote this poem you might mistakenly have asked him which word would work best in his opinion…

    You are so gifted at sharing the many different facets of love and loss Tricia. Thank you for pointing me here x

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