Blaze

Dec 23

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Blaze
It’s summer and I burn
Not with todays high temperature
No 
I burn with longing
In two days
Christmas will be here again
My 14th without my son
My 4th without my husband
But hey
Who’s counting
I’ve got this covered
Wrote a poem
Christmas in Tricia Town
Trickling tears with an ‘up yours’ ending
Everything’s fine
Nothing to see here folks
I even added a naughty link 
Send ‘em on their way laughing
 
I’m fine spending Christmas day alone 
It’s my choice
Works for me
Because…….
 
Witnessing what is
Eviscerates me 
Impales me on the picket fence
Of what can no longer be
Yesterday my controlled burn
Broke through containment lines
For a few weeks
I’d been chasing spot fires
Sleepless nights
Refusing to leave the house
Painted smile
False conversations
When I realised the sickly stench
Was my unwashed body
I stopped fighting 
Walked into the flames 
Yes it’s summer and
I burn
 
Tricia 12/12
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About triciabertram

I have written all my life. Writing helps me to make sense of a world I often don’t understand. Poetry is my supreme solace, closely followed by literature and music. When my son ended his life in 1999 I embarked on the most difficult journey of my life, my grief journey. To survive in this unknown, harsh landscape I had to write. It was for me, the only way I could even begin to move forward. Then in 2009 my darling husband died suddenly and so my journey continues. I write about other issues but because of my life experience, grief and death are continuing themes in my writing life. In our culture I believe there is a fear of death, an inability to accept the inevitability of our mortality, and this creates enormous difficulties for the bereaved and those around them. I have begun this blog in the hope I will create a small ripple in the pond of fear that is currently drowning the reality of death and grief. I will continue to skim the stones of my truth, watch them bounce, and see how many ripples I can make.

Posted on December 23, 2012, in Poems and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 8 Comments.

  1. inherimagephoto | December 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm

    My goodness, the imagery in this is breathtaking Tricia. I am always completely blown away by your ability to turn your pain into a story that even a perfect stranger could grasp, taste. Thank you for the beauty of your words. They are always cherished and valued. xo

    Reply
  2. joetwo | December 23, 2012 at 11:38 pm

    That is some very powerful writing. The merriest of Christmases to you.

    Reply
  4. belfastdavid | January 5, 2013 at 2:58 am

    There is such hope in the last few lines of this poem.

    And it made me smile – I spent Christmas day on my own and I did have a bath!!!

    Happy New Year Tricia

    David

    Reply
  5. triciabertram | January 11, 2013 at 2:14 pm

    Thanks David. It pleases me that you found the hope. For me the metaphorical walking ‘into the flames’ is a good thing. It represents facing, dealing with and moving forward.

    I too spent Christmas day alone, I’ve discovered it’s best for me. I can no longer manage a bath but my sister came over and helped me shower.

    All the best for 2013
    Hugs
    Tricia

    Reply

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